*some assembly required



Ho, Ho, Oh Heck
assembled @ 5:23 p.m. on 2004-12-14

10:00 am:
Pearl: Can we go see Santa now?
Me: After lunch.

10:05 am:
Pearl: Can we go see Santa now?
Me: After lunch!

10:30 am:
Pearl: Can we go see Santa now?
Me: Sigh.

11:00 am:
Me: Ok, let me take a shower, and then we�ll all get dressed in nice clothes to go see Santa.
Pearl: Yay!

11:10 am:
Me: Shower, shower, shower
Pearl: (Knocking on the bathroom door,) Momma! I�m all dressed!
Me: Sigh

11:50 am:
Pearl: (Whining) Momma, I want some Goldfish!
Me: Just ask for them.
Pearl: Nope. I�m going to whine and cry.
Me: Stifle a laugh.

12:00 noon
Me: Pearl, get your coat on.
Pearl: Read, read, read.

12:02 pm:
Me: Pearl, get your coat on!
Pearl: Read, read, read.

12:10 pm:
Me: Pearl! Coat! Now!
Pearl: Sigh

12:30 pm
Me: Arrive at the mall, and circle the parking lots looking for a place to park.

12:45 pm
Pearl: I want to push the stroller!
Me: (Freezing) No.
Pearl: I WANT TO PUSH THE STROLLER!
Me: (Freezing even more) No! How fast can we run into the store?
Pearl: Yay!

12:55 pm
Arrive at Santa�s Court
Helpful Photographer Lady: Come on in, you�re the last ones before he takes his lunch break. He�ll be back at 2:00.
Pearl: I have to eat lunch!
Me: Let�s see Santa first, while there�s no line, and then eat lunch!
Pearl: No! I have to eat lunch!
Me: All right then.
Pearl: I want a roast beef sandwich!
Me: If Arby's takes credit cards.

1:00 pm
In the elevator, going up to the food court.
Pearl: Look! Santa!

1:15 pm
Me, Pearl & Sprout: Eat, eat, eat

1:30 pm
In the elevator, leaving the food court
Pearl: (Pointing at Santa�s empty chair) Look!

1:31 pm
Me: Stupidly decide to go window shopping to kill time.

1:35 pm
Clothes at Charlotte Russe: Look at us! Aren�t we lovely? Aren�t we stylish and funky and� what�s that? You�re broke? Oh. Hahahaha!

1:40 pm
Regis Hair Salon: Wow, honey, you�re looking a little�um... shaggy? Come on in, we�ll fix you right up. What�s that? No money? Oh. snicker

1:45 pm
Me: Pearl, want to go look in the Disney Store? We won�t be buying anything, but it would be fun to look.
Pearl: Yay!
Me: Smile

1:50 pm
Pearl: Augh! I have to go potty! Dance, dance, dance.
Me: Ok, let�s go potty, and then we can come back and look some more.
Pearl: No, I don�t have to go anymore.

1:55 pm
Pearl: Augh! I have to go potty! Dance, dance, dance.
Me: Ok, let�s go! We can come back.
Pearl: No, I don�t have to go anymore.

2:15 pm
Disney Video Screen: Plays one of Pearl�s favorite songs that I totally didn�t know was by Kelly Clarkson.
Me: Pearl! Dance and sing with me!
Pearl: Yay!

2:20 pm
Me: I have to go potty. Let�s go.

2:30 pm
In the restroom
Me: Why don�t you try, too, so you don�t have to leave the line for Santa later?
Pearl: No! I don�t have to!
Me: Tell you what. You try, and if I�m wrong and you can�t, we�ll stop on the way home and rent a movie.
Pearl: Ok. Pee, pee, pee
Me: Whew.

2:40 pm
In line for Santa, finally.
Pearl: Giggle! Talk to other children! Giggle! Be excited!
Sprout: Are we done yet? I�ve been sitting in this stroller so patiently all afternoon, and I�d really like to walk now, Mother.

2:45
Me: Pearl! It�s our turn!
Pearl: Break down sobbing on the red carpet.
Sprout: I�ll sit with the strange man. But I won�t smile. Ok. I will. But not too much.

2:55 pm
Me: Cuddle Pearl until she feels better. Reassure her she doesn�t have to sit on Santa�s lap. Give her many kisses.
Pearl: Smile and melt Momma�s heart.

3:00 pm
Me: Pearl, get your coat on and let�s go.
Pearl: Discover noisy toy store with mechanical fish.

3:05 pm
Me: Pearl! Sprout needs a nap! We have to go!
Pearl: Catch mechanical fish and giggle
Me: Wonder how toy store employees can work in such a busy, noisy, crowded, messy, tiny store all day.
Nice Toy Store Employee: Use a puppet to play peekaboo with Sprout and make him giggle
Me: Feel slightly guilty.

3:10 pm
Me: Pearl! Coat! Now!
Pearl: Ride a toy horse.
Me: Ok, bye.
Pearl: Augh! I�m coming!
Me: Feel more than slightly guilty.

3:20 pm
Passing by the Mervyn�s Christmas decoration display.
Pearl: Touch, touch, touch.
Me: Pearl, come on. Now!

3:30 pm
Me: We�re going outside now. You must wear your coat.
Pearl: No! I want to go outside without it!
Me: (Walking towards the door.) Fine.
Pearl: Ok, ok!!

3:45 pm
Me: Start car.
Car: I do not think I feel like shifting gears today. Well, maybe I will. No.. no, I was right the first time. Hmm.. well. Ok. Ok, let�s go.
Me: SIGH.
Pearl: Momma, why are you so tired?
Me: Hahahahahahaha!

3:50 pm
Pearl & Sprout: Zzzzzzzzzz�.

--N

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