~~~some assembly required~~~

*some assembly required

Worries
assembled @ 10:34 p.m. on 2004-04-11

It's been a while, hasn't it?

My mind has been spinning and crashing against walls lately, like a drunk madman. Not all of it is bad, but it's still all of it. I sometimes feel like every worry in the world is my responsibility. Making lists helps me clear my head, though, so here's my list of worries. I realize that some of them may sound stupid to other people. Hopefully, after writing them down, they'll sound stupid to me, too.

-I worry that other people will label Pearl as a hyperactive brat.

-I worry that I let her watch too much tv (even on days I only let her watch an hour).

-I worry that I bitch too much at her.

-I worry that I'm not going to get this huge yarn order done within a reasonable amount of time, and the woman who ordered it will say screw it, or at the very least, have a horrible opinion of my business practices.

-I worry that my father-in-law is judging me. Judging me for my religious beliefs, for my cooking skills, for my housekeeping habits, for my child-rearing beliefs and techniques.

-I worry that a certain friend of mine thinks I somehow suck. He wrote me an email the other day that said he saw my actions as not being in line with my committments. This from a guy I've seen for 15 minutes total since Halloween. I appreciate the love behind his actions, but damn... have you been judging me this whole time when I thought you were supporting me?

-I worry that someone may not like my daughter.

-I worry that I don't spend as much time with my son as I should, that I don't stimulate his brain enough.

-I worry that we will never get approved for a mortgage, and I will have to live on someone else's property, in one form or another, for my entire life.

-I worry that Hero will become addicted to this new MMPORPG that we've been playing together, even though he quit Everquest (can you belive it!!!).

-I worry that we will send Pearl to this new school, she will adore it, and then we won't be able to pay for it.

-I worry that the hours Hero is working in his new job (a lot) will lessen his bond with his kids.

And then there's the million little fluttery worries, the ones that come and go as I go about my daily life. Did I just offend that person? Was I unintentionally rude? Is the house clean enough? Will I be able to go to the grocery store without tantrums (either mine or Pearl's)? And so on, and so on. It really does sound stupid once I type them all out. Most of them, anyhow. Some are legitimate worries, even if I can do nothing about them. But I feel a little better after all that. Sort of like (and pardon this disgusting analogy), lancing a boil and letting the pus drain. The pressure is lessened, and a lot of the gunk is gone. And hey, if I read that back over, I get to see all over again that Hero quit Everquest!!!

--N

then || now