*some assembly required



Switched
assembled @ 10:27 a.m. on 2004-02-17

If Mimi Smartypants does not mind, I'm going to post an excerpt of her February 17th entry here:

"Being responsible for a baby all day is very tiring, however, and not in the way the books tell you. The parenting tomes always emphasize the go go go, the constant demands, the physical labor of carrying a kid around, but really the tiredness stems from the fact that you are always ON. A full day of Nora is like a full day of being a hostess or a tour guide or an MC at a neverending variety show. I talk. I make jokes. I distract her from the Dangerous Thing and over to the Less Intriguing But Also Less Deadly Thing. I sing songs. I make up esoteric games involving a deck of cards, a tennis ball, and a muffin tin. I talk. I make other things talk. In funny voices. Did I mention that I talk?

Remember that, marathon diary entries notwithstanding, I am the girl who can easily go an entire day without speaking out loud to anyone. I can have a very nice weekend lying in one position on the couch, reading books the way junkies go through your medicine cabinet---recklessly, desperately, messily. That is not so much Nora's style yet, however. Sometimes I miss those weekends, and other times I think that I get intellectual stimulation, albeit in an unusual format, just from hearing her laugh."

Oh, heck yeah. While I am dissimilar in that I doubt I could go a whole day without talking to someone, I feel that "always on"-ness (look at me making up words!). I've had a cold the last week or so, and so has pretty much everyone else in the family. Colds don't slow Pearl down, though. They beat me in the ass, and make me irritable, but she is still her spunky self, and lord, do I need to conjur up the energy from somewhere to be a good mom all day, and not sit her in front of the TV. (Which is what she's doing right at this very moment. Geesh.) I used to think that I was just impatient, expecting too much, basically a bad mom, because I am tired at the end of the day. Not just physically tired, but mentally tired, too. And a cranky ho, to boot. I see now, after being around other moms, that I just have a unique child. Unique, just like everyone else, but what I mean is that she is a very socially interactive, very energetic girl. She always wants to talk with, and play with, and be with other people. Which, since her daddy is usually on the computer, her brother is only four months old, and there aren't any small children in this neighborhood... well, that leaves me, the mommy. Hanging out with De, and her little girl, I can really see the difference. De's daughter is a lot like De. She talks when she wants to, doesn't when she doesn't. She's very ok with being by herself, and definitely guards her personal space. I imagine, with a child like that, one would have at least a little more time to clean the house, read a book, relax before the kid's bedtime. I'm sure that not all De's days are like that, and even Pearl has days where she can entertain herself. I just feel a lot more "on" than "off" all day, and once she goes to bed, then it's time for the laundry and just a little bit of housework, which leaves me about an hour to myself before I get sleepy. I'm not complaining, really, and I know that this, like everything else, is just a phase. In a few years, she'll be wanting to go play with her friends, and I'll be begging her to hang out with me. I'm just venting. I worry about getting so burned out that I bitch at my little girl all day. Being a mommy is my job, and it rocks. I just don't get coffee breaks, a lunch, or quitting time, and I have to find that time somewhere. I may have to take my mom up on her numerous offers to babysit, even though I hate, hate, hate giving Sprout a bottle. I suppose a bottle and a refreshed mommy is better than a harpy with breasts.

Once Hero has a job (please, God, please!), we plan to enroll Pearl in a Montessori preschool. I think she would blossom. She would love having all those children around to play with, and she loves learning. It would be so good for her, and good for me, too. The catch is, one needs an income to pay for school tuition. I cannot express properly how frustrating Hero's lack of employment is getting for me. (Me, me, me!) We're still communicating better than we were, and I'm really doing well at not attacking him. But, damn.... it's been about 6 months now. We can't get health insurance, we can't even get MiChild, because only working families qualify for MiChild. We can't put Pearl in school, we can't take her to the dentist, many things a parent is supposed to provide, and we can't do it. Thank goodness we have unemployment finally (though that is about to run out), and a tax return on the way, so we can get groceries, and clothes. Sigh. And I should stop here, because I am talking myself into a funk, and I don't want to do that today. Today, I am going to do a Pilates workout with Hero (second day in a row, go us!) Today, I am going to go to the grocery store, just me and Sprout I think, and I just might go to another local yarn shop, just to browse and recharge. Yes, I think that sounds very nice. You all have a lovely day, too.

--N

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