Nature Girl
assembled @ 11:25 a.m. on 2003-06-11
My daughter, strangely enough, is falling asleep on the couch as I type this. After sleeping about 12 or 13 hours, apparently the Blue's Clues and cup of yogurt she had for breakfast wore her little body out. Or it could be the sunburn. Sigh. Yes, I am a bad mother, call social services now. I swear I put sunblock on the child! Even before I put her diaper on, because I read somewhere that you need to give it time to take effect, and I wanted to make sure I got everywhere. It seems, though, that I may have missed a big patch on her face, around her left eye and the left side of her nose. And her little shoulders are so red. Eh. She's still a beautiful child.
The beach ended up being pretty wonderful yesterday, and as usual, I had no need to be nervous about making conversation. R and I always get along well. Her husband is... well, he's a nice guy, to me anyhow. But he made several very racist comments yesterday, making me very, very uncomfortable. I just wished he would stop, but of course I didn't have the balls (so to speak) for any kind of confrontation. I didn't agree with him, but I didn't call him on it either, and I feel like a hypocrite. Like I should have said something even though I didn't know what to say. We didn't talk much other than the drive there and back, though, so I was relieved to listen to the waves and watch the children play.
It was a quiet little local beach, off the bay, not too crowded for such a beautiful day. Not humid, just sunny and warm, the water a little chilly, and the waves gentle. Pearl loved the water, and she wanted to go further and further, but I had on shorts and a shirt, no swimsuit, so we had to stay closer to shore. I need to find some kind of wrap or sarong to wear there, so I can really play with her, without being the Mom That Hates To Get Wet. I have a bikini, but I am not so confident as to bare my huge, white belly at a public beach. There was a woman there yesterday, due any day, in a bikini and tank top, her top pushed up to tan her already tan belly. I admired her. Still... not me. I have a hard enough time wearing a bikini when I'm not pregnant.
I'm looking forward to going back there. For at least one beach trip this summer, Ghost will be with me, visiting from his town a little north of here. I don't know who will enjoy that more, Pearl or me. She'll have someone to swing her around in the waves, and she just loves him anyway. For me, it will be very nice to have one of my best friends close, just to hang out and talk, just to be together. I can't wait.
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Choir practice last night seemed full of dissension, too. I may have a song verse coming up as a solo, but the choir director didn't tell the original soloist, so.... we'll see. I love performing, but I'm not out for blood. I don't need to take someone else's spotlight away from them.
Leaving the church though, I was awestruck by the sunset. A small storm had come up and blown itself out during practice, and the sky was clear, pink and turqoise and indigo, when I came outside. The earth smelled fresh, and I wanted to stay outside until the moon and stars came out, to be in a place where I could watch them, one by one. Or to take a walk in a forest, like I used to do when I still lived with my parents. Their house is nearly surrounded by woods, and I would sometimes walk there on clear evenings, after a storm, just to see everything sparkle. Just thinking about it now brings me peace. I can almost smell the clean air.
--N