It's amazing how often I forget that I am the one who chooses to believe, or not, what someone says to me. I've always been emotional, and depending on the person who says whatever they happen to say to me, those emotions cloud my rational reaction. If it's someone on the street, rude for no reason, or someone who just plain doesn't know me, it's easy to let the words go and see them for what they are. Just words.
When it's a family member, though, I take it more personally, even though I have the same power to choose. Especially when I really, really want that person's love and affection. (That made me cringe a little). Especially when what that person said dovetails so neatly with my own stringent perfectionism. There are so many times when I think I screwed something up, just because I didn't do it "perfectly". Whatever the hell that is. So of course I am ready to believe someone who points out my mistakes, whether or not there was anything I could do about them.
I suppose I will always be emotional, ruled first by my feelings about a thing or event, and then by the cool logic that comes after, if at all. Sometimes I still feel like that same little girl that my elementary teachers labeled "senstive". And sometimes I wish I had special glasses I could just pop on, and see things objectively, without my filters or anyone else's. Just see what happened for what it is. Not just so I can see if I'm right, though I know that, many times, that's what I want. But mostly just so I can stop being hurt. So I can really believe "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
--N
LATELY
My New Page - 2006-04-15
Life is a Magic Thing, Woah. - 2005-11-18
No Dooce for You! - 2005-11-09
The Nicest Thing Anyone Has Ever Said To Me - 2005-09-05
Ugh. Grunt. Some Other Stuff. - 2005-09-01
RANDOM ENTRY
all words � ME, 2005.