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Funk and Groovin'
assembled @ 1:20 a.m. on 2002-03-21

Wow. How many journals do I need to read, saying today is the first day of Spring before I realize that today is the first day of Spring? I think the count is three. I love Spring! I'm so sorry I forgot it's birthday.

Apparently, my husband gets into an unhappy funk every year at springtime. This is news to me. But, I suppose in all the years of high school, there was year-round insecurity (which eventually had us break up at one point, but that's another story). Last year, I was very pregnant, and planning a trip to Michigan for a baby shower, so I'm not surprised that I either didn't notice, or he was excited about the trip and the baby. In 2000, we hadn't seen each other for four months, and were finally reunited at the end of April (due to military stuff). So I either missed the Spring Funk, or it was erased by Reunion Randiness. In 1998, we were planning our wedding, so I could see how we missed the Funk then. But all those other years? Hm. I don't know. But he told me last night, when I asked him what the fuck was going on (not my exact words), that he is generally unhappy every spring. Weird. Spring is such a happy, renewing time of year. Of course, I get horrendously happy-bouncy spring fever every year, and I'm surprised he hasn't strangled me yet.

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I got the CD today that has my backup music on it. Or rather, the backup music of 6 songs that I have narrowed my "I Could Sing This" list down to. They are: "Criminal", "Shadowboxer", and "Sleep to Dream", all by Fiona Apple, "Foolish Games" by Jewel, and "Give Me One Reason" by Tracy Chapman. Also included on the disk is "The First Time (Ever I Saw Your Face)" by Roberta Flack, which Prez suggested. I have never really liked the song, I don't know it well, and on top of that, Prez has never heard me sing. But some of my other choices weren't available, so I figured I'd throw that one on and see if I liked it any better once I learned it. I now have about a week to narrow this list down to about two songs and really nail those. I'm leaning towards.....well, now that I think about it, I'm leaning towards most of them, for one reason or another. I really like the way my voice sounds when I sing "Foolish Games". Very pretty. But I don't think that it will fit in with the rest of the R&B performances. Maybe I shouldn't care if it fits in. But I do do sultry and jazzy well. Hm. Any suggestions?

Speaking of Prez, I'm starting to have second (third?) thoughts about performing with his business now. Not because of being nervous--though I am nervous--but things have been coming out and showing up lately that make me trust him less and less, and want to do business with him less and less. There are more events than I want to type here at this late hour, but the short version is I feel he doesn't keep his word a lot, and he lies. The lying though, it's weird. I get the feeling that when he says something which one might consider a lie, he completely believes it's the truth. But lots of those things are issues between Prez and other members of the group, that I do not want to get involved in, and have told Prez so. I have also told him that he needs to get those resolved, because I don't think he'll want to lose those members, though he argues with me about that, as he does about almost every concern I bring up. I am quite proud of myself for speaking my mind to him as I have been. All my life, it's been quite difficult for me to do that, for fear of someone getting angry with me, but I've been doing it, and to be that courageous makes me proud of myself. (I'm patting myself on the back at this very moment).

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Pearl's signing is getting more frequent and varied. She now makes the sign for "nursing" and her version of "cat". But, like babbling with the spoken word, she babbles with her hands, so I'm not always sure if she really wants to eat or is just practicing. Or telling me that she's chewing on another word from our magnetic poetry on the fridge. I pulled "like" and "juice" out of her mouth yesterday, and today it was "the". I think she was trying to eat a sentence. I keep pushing the words further up on the fridge, but I think I am going to have to bite the bullet and move them all to the top door.

More evidence that Pearl's babbling with her hands? Tonight, she signed "nursing" to her dad.

--N

then || now